Oh Lört They Comin'

What's this? The Mad Scienticians, back in action, a dozen years after officially closing the book on Infusions of Grandeur? Yes, we have returned, but for one post only, as we felt our most recent experiment merits documentation (though perhaps not peer-review). Your humble scienticians, Brendan and Jenni, have seen many changes in our lives over the years. (More so for one of us than the other!) But we continue to embrace the spirit of adventure and scientific experimentation, and that has brought us to the matter at hand.



Though Jenni had never heard of it, I have long been curious about Jeppson's Malört, a bitter wormwood-based liqueur which is often called the worst in the world. Descended from Swedish bäsk, the liqueur is known for a flavor profile reminiscent of gasoline or pencil shavings. Malört has a cult following in the dive bars of Chicago, where visitors from out of town are often pranked into trying it, but surprisingly, it has never caught on much beyond the Windy City. The makers of Malört lean into its reputation, selling the drink as both a Chicago tradition and a way of "weeding out the weak." In the early 2010s, local comedian Sam Mechling began selling unlicensed merchandise that made fun of the product, with fake slogans such as "Jeppson's Malört: Tonight's the night you fight your dad." Rather than suing Mechling, the Jeppson Company decided to hire him and make him the face of their official marketing campaign.

I think I first heard about Malört on an episode of "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me," and have seen increasingly more references to it on the internet and in the culture, such as a billboard featured prominently over the Original Beef restaurant on the Hulu series "The Bear." I've long planned to try it next time I found myself Chicago. Much to my surprise, though, Chicago came to me: a few bottles showed up at my local ABC store in Raleigh, so I jumped at the chance to take one home. In a nod to tradition, though, I roped in an unsuspecting soul to try it with me - though I did have the heart to warn Jenni of Malört's reputation. After all, Jenni and I did make Peeps Vodka together, so I knew that she wouldn't be deterred. And so, four of us assembled to face this challenge: Jenni, her partner BB, my wife Lexie, and myself.

The two Mad Scienticians went first, sampling the Malört straight up and pondering all of the life choices that brought us to this point.



The drink is well known for producing the "Malört face," a wincing, horrified reaction in those trying it for the first time. I managed to get through it without pulling a face, but Jenni was not so lucky.



Next, it was Lexie and BB's turn to try.



With all shots down, we remained at a 50% Malört-face rate, with Lexie the next to succumb.



Comments were, overall, negative; but to widely varying degrees.

Lexie: "Like straight fertilizer in my mouth."

Brendan: "It's not that bad. It's kind of like if Campari was stronger and... not good."

Jenni: "There was no alcohol kick to it at all, it's just on the back end that it kicks your ass. Bad shit."

Lexie: "Yeah, I would make a worse face after shooting Jose Cuervo. But Jose Cuervo doesn't make me feel like maybe I licked under my car."

---

Of course, this was not the end of the experiment. In order to achieve success, we would need to test a hypothesis: could we make this stuff palatable?

To put this to the test, I did some research online and found this recipe, developed by Chicago bartender Brad Bolt:

The Hard Sell

Ingredients:

0.75 oz. Jeppson's Malört
0.75 oz. Gin
0.75 oz. St. Germain elderflower liqueur
0.75 oz. fresh lemon juice
0.25 oz. simple syrup
Twist of grapefruit peel

Combine ingredients in a shaker, fill with ice, and shake; strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with twist of grapefruit peel or spritz of grapefruit oil.



We mixed this drink and split it four ways, so each of us had a few sips. We all found it surprisingly pleasant. The juniper and elderflower mask the harshness of the Malört, while its bitterness shifts the lemon juice in a more grapefruit direction. I liked it enough to mix another one for myself to get the full measure. By the end of the cocktail, the bitter flavor does build up enough for the Malört to come through more clearly than in the first few sips, but it's still well balanced with the other ingredients. If you don't like grapefruit juice, then this one will probably live up to its name; but if you do, then it's a rather enjoyable drink. I ended up rating it slightly lower than Jenni, but that may be because she got less than the full experience.

Jenni's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Brendan's score: 3 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

---

Having managed not to sabotage my friendship with Jenni and BB, we socialized for the rest of the evening, but drank no further Malört. But I wasn't quite ready to put a pin in this experiment. Over the next couple of evenings, I kept thinking of my initial comment about the Malört shot, where I compared it unfavorably to Campari. I had to wonder what a Negroni with Malört would taste like. The Negroni is my favorite cocktail, so bitterness is no impediment to me, and we had already found gin to be a good complement to Malört. Lexie, who shares my love of the Negroni, joined me in sampling the modified version. I began with a traditional equal-parts recipe, substituting Malört for the Campari.

Jeppson's Negroni

1 oz. Gin
1 oz. Jeppson's Malört
1 oz. Sweet Vermouth
Twist of lemon peel

Combine ingredients in a shaker with ice. Stir and strain over a large ice cube. Garnish with a twist of lemon peel or a spritz of lemon oil.

Traditionally, a Negroni is garnished with orange peel, but after the Hard Sell, I suspected that lemon would work better. I split the cocktail to test that hypothesis, adding a spritz of orange oil to one half and lemon oil to the other, and found that I was correct.

Unfortunately, the Malört remained front and center in this mix, with the lemon oil and other ingredients valiantly trying to hold it in check. The botanical flavors of the Malört are able to break through with the help of the gin, but ultimately that flavor is just far less complex and enjoyable than that of Campari. Lexie found this cocktail to be a more apt comparison to Chartreuse, another favorite of hers; but Chartreuse is sweeter and more complex as well.

Brendan's score: 2 flasks out of 5
Lexie's score: 2 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

In the spirit of absolute thoroughness, though, I wondered if we could improve on this result by splitting the difference. So, we moved on to a hybrid model.

Jeppari's Negroni

1 oz. Gin
0.5 oz. Jeppson's Malört
0.5 oz. Campari
1 oz. Sweet Vermouth
Twist of lemon peel

Combine ingredients in a shaker with ice. Stir and strain over a large ice cube. Garnish with a twist of lemon peel or a spritz of lemon oil.

The reintroduction of Campari vastly improved this drink, to the point that the Malört was mostly overpowered, but not entirely. The flavor was very near to a traditional Negroni, just slightly diminished, or as if made with old ingredients. If handed this drink, I would find it to be a perfectly serviceable Negroni, if not one of the better ones I've had. In the end, even though Lexie and I would both rate a good Negroni as a solid 5, and this tastes pretty similar - just a little off - we could only settle on a 3.5 for this mix. As it turns out, though, that achieves our goal of "splitting the difference" versus the 2 that we rated the full-Malört version. It seems like this drink should earn something a bit higher than that midpoint, but we just couldn't further justify ruining a perfectly good Negroni.

Brendan's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Lexie's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score:


(Credit unknown)

Pulling a Morgenthaler...

So, I started perusing the liquor cabinet, when I came upon some inspiration. Grape soda and Pop Rocks vodka. With even more artifical flavors than our legendary Red Dye #3 cocktail, how could I miss?

Well, miss I did. Surprisingly, it was very chemical tasting.

So, with the theory, in for a penny, in for a pound, I strove onward with the artificial flavoring and added about two ounces of Red Bull.

Unfortunately, this still wasn't right.

So, I added a spash of grenadine. Eh, this was better, but still tasted funny.

To keep with the theme, I added some Bright & Early orange breakfast drink, in stock due to a recent urge to return to my drinking roots. This made it drinkable. I decided to settle with this, rather than keep tweaking, because I knew I could drink it and didn't want to waste the alcohol.

As I sat outside, sipping on it, inspiration struck me. I put down my cigarette, ran back into the laboratory and said, "I'm pulling a Jeffrey Morgenthaler!"

Brendan and my lab assistant looked at me inquisitively.

"I'm adding bitters!"

They rolled their eyes.

I added a few dashes of bitters. And the drink became pretty damn good.

I let them both taste.

Lab assistant: "Wow, I would drink that! That finally gave it some body."

Brendan: "That's wierd! It actually worked."

Thank you Jeff, when a drink seems like it might suck, I will have to remember to add bitters!

New Orleans MxMo

The Big Easy.

Crescent City.

The Birthplace of Jazz.

Paris of the South.

NOLA.

New Orleans is a city of many names, many cultures, and unique cooking. A place where folks flock to to celebrate Mardi Gras, a huge party well renown for drinking.

Unlike many of our fellow drink bloggers, we scienticians didn't make it to Tales of the Cocktail. So in order to participate in this month's Mixology Monday, we had to bring the tastes of New Orleans to our own humble lab. I scoured the net for something that felt sufficiently New Orleansy. Finally, I decided on the Creole, with a recipe found on Drink of the Week.

For those who didn't follow the link, the directions are as follows:

Creole

2.0 oz. Meyers's Platinum White Rum
1.0 oz. lemon juice
0.5 oz. Beef Bouillon
dash of Tabasco sauce
dash of Worcestershire sauce
dash of salt
dash of black pepper
lemon slice

In a shaker filled with ice, add the rum, beef bouillon, Tabasco, Worcestershire, lemon juice, salt and pepper and shake well. Strain into a highball glass filled with ice and garnish with the slice of lemon.

When looking at this recipe, the beef bouillon made us a bit wary, but we decided to press on in the name of science. However, we decided we ought to add our own twist as well, so after making a recipe to spec and then we would make it substituting the bouillon for our new bacon infused vodka.

So, onward to the original Creole.



My impressions: "I'm impressed, this came out nowhere near as bad as I feared. But my, how it burns; though, what else would you expect with a name like Creole. I'm still sweating as I write these notes. Now, onto the taste, it's very citrus-y, the burn doesn't seem to creep up on you until after you have finished your sip. But it leaves your lips tingling and, for me a self-professed capsaicin freak, a bit of a burning of the stomach lining."

Brendan's impressions: "This was definitely an odd taste sensation. It had a spiciness that was quite nice, but the flavor juxtaposition of citrus, Worcestershire and rum was very unsettling. Tasting this drink is like noticing a glitch in the Matrix: you can't quite put your finger on it, but you know something is not right in the world. It's not bad, exactly; just unpleasant."

Brendan's rating: 1.5 flasks out of 5
Wayland's rating: 2.5 flasks out of 5
Overall rating:

---

Creole: Now with Bacon!

2.0 oz. Meyers's Platinum White Rum
1.0 oz. lemon juice
0.5 oz. Mad Scientician™ Bacon Infused Vodka
dash of Tabasco sauce
dash of Worcestershire sauce
dash of salt
dash of black pepper
lemon slice

This was prepared the same way as the regular Creole.

My impressions: "I didn't really notice a difference here. I don't know how it would be without the beef or bacon, but in this drink, there doesn't seem to be much difference. This one only seems to burn a little less, but I don't know whether to attribute that to the change of meat or to the varying measurements of a 'dash.'"

Brendan's impressions: "I now know that when I tasted the original Creole, I had only begun to feel as if I couldn't put my finger on something. In terms of flavor, I couldn't tell you precisely what the difference is. In both the beef and bacon varieties, these flavors are fairly well masked by the other flavors. But there was something beneath the surface that made this drink more unpleasant than the first."

Brendan's rating: 1.0 flasks out of 5
Wayland's rating: 2.5 flasks out of 5
Overall rating:

---

After both these varieties, we couldn't write a post about New Orleans without actually finishing a drink. So we moved on from the Creole to the Hurricane.

I guess I should be a good bartender and share some trivia about Hurricanes:

Of course, the closest Major League sports team to my home is the Carolina Hurricanes.

I myself have slept through a hurricane, Hurricane Fran; I awoke the next morning, wondering why my music wasn't playing. Apparently, my entire family spent the whole night awake in the living room scared. We were lucky, though; the only thing we lost was power for a week.

During another hurricane that came through the area, as a restaurant bartender, I walked in the door and asked my manager what our drink special of the day was. He said, "How about we run $2.00 Hurricanes?" Less than an hour later, the power went out and I hadn't sold one.

Finally, the day Hurricane Katrina hit, my manager at a different restaurant had the audacity to run Tilapia Pontchartrain. For those that don't know, Lake Pontchartrain was the lake that flooded into New Orleans.

Which brings us full circle back to New Orleans, so after much searching, we decided to use this recipe to make Hurricanes:

2.0 oz. Meyers's Platinum White rum
2.0 oz. Goslings Black Seal rum
2.0 oz. passion fruit juice
1.0 oz. orange juice
0.5 oz. lime juice
0.5 oz. simple syrup
0.5 oz. grenadine



Now, in my early bartender days, I was thrown behind a bar and told, "You're a bartender now!" Some of the drinks I would look up, but anything fruity like a Hurricane or a Mai Tai, I'd throw some juices together with some rum to create something tasty and sweet, and no one really noticed. I've come a long way since those days, but in my searches to make hurricanes, I noticed there were 50 billion variations on this "common drink."

But when making this recipe, this is what I noticed. This is nowhere near as sweet as I expected. In my old days, they come out sweet and fruity and the guest was happy. This is a lot more tart than I would expect, but I'm not finding that to be a bad thing. The tartness in contrast to the sweet of the rum, truly brings out the rums' flavors. I'm kinda curious how this would have turned out with a spiced rum also.

Anyway, by the time we had a hurricane for each of us, it was well into the early hours of the morning, and Brendan and myself, in "Big Easy" fashion, spent the rest of the evening on the back porch of the laboratory, sipping our hurricanes and talking, until I finally stumbled off to sleep.

Brendan's rating: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Wayland's rating: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Overall rating:

WMD (Wayland's Mixed Drink)

So, December 19 is the one year anniversary of Infusions of Grandeur. To be totally honest, I'm surprised it's lasted this long. Like so many mad scienticians, we are prone to start a mad scheme and then go onto the next, abandoning the first while in progress. But here it is a year later, and while there was a lull for a while there, we have continued onward and have now reached a milestone.

There was much debate over what we should write for our one year post. At six months, we had the Big Experiment. We considered doing another derivation of that, examining and isolating other variables; however, we've got quite a few ambitious experiments going on currently, with our three-way candy cane infused vodka and the five ingredient spiced cider vodka. We didn't want to detract from these projects with yet another large product at the same time.

In our discussion, however, we realized there has been a big secret that has never made it to the site. In the first six months of the blog, I found a drink that is by far my favorite. A drink, that when I settle for the evening to relax, is my first thought on what to pour. A drink that I've made so often, my fellow scientician and our lab assistant roll their eyes when I mention I'm going to make it. A drink that I've poured all evening for friends at parties. And up until today, it didn't have a name. For our one year anniversary, I give you the aptly named:

Wayland's Mixed Drink (WMD)

1 part Mad Scientician™ Vanilla Infused Vodka
1 part Mad Scientician™ Caramel Infused Vodka
1 part Cream de Cacao
1 part Butterscotch Schnapps
2 parts Irish Cream

Pour over ice in a rocks glass, then into shaker and back into glass.

Wayland's score: 5.0 flasks out of 5
Brendan's score: 4.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

There was much discussion in the writing of this post on what exactly to call this drink. Forever, it has been either the "Untitled" or a "Modified Untitled." (Because it was derived from the original Untitled Cocktail #1.) Brendan was hesitant to let it be named. "It is what it is, and it has been untitled for so long now. It's the end of an era." I thought, times change, we've hit a year, it's time for this drink to have a name. At first, it was to be called Wayland's Preferred Drink, however, the abbreviation WPD was just not as nice as WMD. So Wayland's Mixed Drink or WMD it became.

And coming up soon, Snickers infused vodka....

The First Cocktail Challenge: Orange and Cinnamon

First of all, I wanted to take a moment, before moving on to the challenge, to mention a momentous occasion here at Infusions of Grandeur. Today's post is number 100, and I find it fitting that this is something a little different than normal for our hundredth post. This is the first post whose content was decided by our readers.

Anyway, onto the results.

Challenge Drink #1

With the results of the votes being cinnamon and orange infused vodkas, it left me with a little to think about. This was an odd combination, so I decided to start simple, to figure out just what I was dealing with. So I stated with a cinnamon and orange "martini."

1.0 oz. Cinnamon Infused Vodka
3.0 oz. Orange Infused Vodka
Shake over ice and serve in a chilled martini glass.

With this drink, the cinnamon was just too overwhelming. The flavor of the orange was barely noticable and it turned out somewhat bitter. Brendan liked it a bit more than I did, but definitely not a drink worth ending the challenge over.

Brendan's score: 2.5 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 2.0 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

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Challenge Drink #2

Since the fruit flavor was lost in the first drink, I decided to add more in the second drink. I ended up using Apple Pucker schnapps as an addition to the original attempt, along with a bit more Orange Infused Vodka. I ended up chosing the Pucker over our own Apple Infused Vodka, because of the bitterness in the first drink and the Pucker has a bit more of a robust flavor.

0.5 oz. Cinnamon Infused Vodka
2.0 oz. Orange Infused Vodka
1.0 oz. Apple Pucker schnapps
Once again, shaken over ice and served in a chilled martini glass.

Brendan wrote a description that I just couldn't add to:

"The orange shows up better, but it is muted together with the cinnamon. Together they contend against each other from the same side, like Gore and Nader, allowing Bush's apple to take the lead. The drink is decent, but the flavor is too fragmented."

Brendan's score: 3.0 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 2.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

---

Challenge Drink #3

At this point in the evening, I was beginning to find myself very tired. I reached for one of my favorite caffeine fixes when inspiration struck on what to do with the final drink.

0.5 oz. Cinnamon Infused Vodka
1.5 oz. Orange Infused Vodka
6.0 oz. Red Bull
Pour the vodkae over rocks into a collins glass, top off with Red Bull and shake once, gently.

Brendan wrote that "the cinnamon pops up and almost overwhelms it at first, but then backs down and lets the orange and Red Bull join forces in the lead." (Apparently, my colleague is a fan of the split ticket concept.) "I've never been able to quite pinpoint the flavor of Red Bull, but the citrus complements it quite well," he continued.

"I think the cinnamon gives a nice contrast to the overall citrus of the drink," I wrote. "I should probably stop here. I'm not saying it's perfect, but it is a good drink."

Brendan's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

And at this point, I went and passed out from exhaustion. Stay tuned for post number 101, and expect to see more cocktail challenges in the future.

More results: black tea and lemon vodka

Last week's infusion experiment, black tea and lemon vodka, infused for about a day. Due to time constraints, we bottled the infusion taste untested, and waited until the next day before conducting a true test. The loose tea cold-steeped the vodka to a dark brown color, as we expected. Before bottling, the infusion looked like this:



We strained the tea leaves and lemon zest out of the vodka through cheesecloth while bottling it.

It should be noted that neither of the Mad Scienticians are avid tea drinkers. We generally only drink it when we are sick, or when a rare mood strikes us. Therefore, we are not qualified to review the quality of the tea flavor in its own right.

This testing occurred on the same night as the Big Experiment testing, so as you might tell, we were slightly buzzed by this point. However, we do not believe it was enough to adversely affect our analysis.



I felt that the vodka had "a strong tea flavor all the way through, though it still has a significant vodka flavor component, and a bit of a burn on the back end. The lemon flavor is barely noticeable in its own right, but it is present as a part of the tea flavor, which is as it should be. It's not something I would drink often on its own, but I bet it would taste great with our honey vodka."

Wayland's thoughts ran along similar lines. "This reminds me of being sick, though not in a bad way. Generally, when I'm sick, I turn to tea. The problem is, I usually add copious amounts of sugar or honey to my tea. I feel like this vodka needs a sweetness that isn't there. There is a mild vodka burn to this, but it is hardly noticeable. Other than the lack of sweetness, this is excellent."

---

Subsequently, we decided to put our mutual theory to the test, by combining this with honey vodka.

Black Tea/Honey Shot

Shake with ice and pour into a shot glass:
½ oz. Mad Scientician™ Black Tea and Lemon vodka
½ oz. Mad Scientician™ Honey vodka

This is exactly what we felt was missing when we tasted the black tea. The sweetness supplements the taste of the tea vodka, and cancels out its back-end burn. Wayland felt that it could use a higher tea ratio, possibly two-thirds tea to one-third honey; I thought it was fine as it is, though the higher ratio may be preferred by tea lovers.

Brendan's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

Three more tastings and a cocktail

Last night, the Mad Scienticians conducted the first sampling of our watermelon vodka infusion, as well as repeated samplings of the blueberry and almond vodkae. The watermelon vodka experiment had only been ongoing for three days, we expected it to be a fairly quick infusion. As we expected, the vodka has drawn very little color from the fruit.



It turns out that the experiment will need more time than we had hoped. "It's got a watermelon flavor, but it's not strong enough," Wayland commented. "It's also got a bad aftertaste."

I didn't notice an aftertaste, other than the bite of the vodka. The watermelon is tasty on the front end, but it subsides quickly. We put this back to infuse for another week.

---

The blueberry vodka has progressed a great deal since our previous sampling. Once the berry skins were broken up, they began to truly infuse. The vodka now has a deep purple color.



I found the blueberry flavor to be more pronounced, but it still had a strong vodka taste. Wayland said he hardly tasted any blueberry, and it was mostly vodka.

So, despite the strong coloration, this infusion still needs more time before the flavor is right.

---

The almond vodka, which has been running for four weeks now, has also attained a darker color than it had last week.



"More almondy, very smooth," said Wayland. "Still, I'd like to give it a little longer."

I concurred with Wayland. Its almond flavor has grown stronger, but not as much as we would like. Alas, this experiment too will remain ongoing. We have high hopes that this one will be completed next week, though.

---

Though all of the experiments we tested this week have been disappointments so far, we do have a cocktail recipe to make up for it, using the strawberry-vanilla vodka we completed last week.

Research Triangle Iced Tea

In a tall glass with ice, pour:
2 oz. Mad Scientician™ Strawberry-Vanilla vodka
One can (8.3 oz.) of Red Bull

This mix of flavors is oddly reminiscent of sweet iced tea, with a hint of strawberry. We named the drink in honor of our local area, the Research Triangle of North Carolina.

Brendan's score: 3 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 3 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

Answers to "Name That Vodka," and two new cocktails

Last week, we issued a challenge to our readers to identify seven of our vodka infusions by color. Of course, it was not a fair challenge by any means, since most of the vodkae in question are nearly colorless. Hats off to Gaby and Scott for bravely making the attempt anyway (they each correctly identified two of the infusions). Here's the photo again:



The infusions featured are thus:

A. Vanilla
B. Apple
C. Pineapple
D. Spearmint
E. Coconut
F. Garlic
G. Jalapeño

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We've also got a couple new cocktails featuring several of our infusions. The first is a little concoction we like to call...

The Ferengi Ensign

In a rocks glass, pour:
1 oz. Mad Scientician™ cinnamon vodka
1 oz. Mad Scientician™ chocolate vodka
1 oz. Mad Scientician™ coconut vodka
3 oz. Irish Cream
Dash of nutmeg (if desired)

We made this drink soon after infusing our second batch of cinnamon vodka. This batch came out a little spicier than the first, possibly because we didn't add any sugar to the second. As a result, the cinnamon taste is fairly strong in this drink, but not prohibitively so.

The taste of the drink changes with each sip. It started out overwhelmingly cinnamon, but that subsided after a couple of sips. Chocolate pops up in varying intensities and intervals, then Irish Cream. Eventually I realized what it needed to tie everything together, and sprinkled a little nutmeg over the top. That sealed the deal. It tastes like all that's good about egg nog, without the slimyness.

"The Irish Cream is almost an afterthought," Wayland said. "A whisper of chocolate shifts around, sometimes on the back end, sometimes the front."

Brendan's score: 3 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 3 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

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Mexican Hot Chocolate

With ice, shake:
1 part Mad Scientician™ jalapeño vodka
1 part Crème de Cacao
1 part Irish Cream

Unfortunately, we cannot use our chocolate vodka for this, or any other drink that needs to be shaken. The chocolate particles seem to stick to the ice when we do this, extracting the flavor. Thus, any martini-style drinks involving chocolate flavor will likely contain crème de cacao, though at some point we will experiment with stirring, rather than shaking (regardless of our fanboy resistance to the idea).

The jalapeño in this drink provides a slight burn, which is mostly neutralized by the cream. Delicious.

Brendan's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

Garlic vodka is a surprising success

This weekend, we tested the garlic vodka experiment after five days of infusion. We were a little worried about how this would turn out; though the Mad Scienticians are both fans of garlic, we had concerns that the bite of the garlic would team up with the vodka's kick, and use their synergetic powers for evil. As it turns out, we had nothing to worry about.

Since this infusion was carried out at room temperature, we decided to shake the sample with ice before tasting.



Wayland, who was dreading the worst-case scenario at this point, steels himself for the inevitable.



"It's very smooth, with almost no vodka burn," Wayland says after downing the shot. "It's actually a little sweet, too. I wish I knew what the frell to put it in."

I sampled it next.



The vodka definitely tastes like garlic, especially at the front end. The back tastes more like vodka, but it doesn't kick you like vodka normally does. It's quite good, much better than I expected.

We used the garlic vodka to create a couple of drinks. Look out, folks, the first one is a shooter!

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Vampire Chupacabra

Ingredients:
½ oz. Mad Scientician™ garlic vodka
½ oz. Mad Scientician™ jalapeño vodka
Dash of Tabasco sauce

Shake the two vodkas with ice, and pour into a shot glass. Then add a few drops of Tabasco over the top and drink.

Wayland doesn't care much for the name I gave this drink. I think it's an awesome name. It's the Dr. McNinja of drinks. He did comment on the health-conscious nature of the drink, though, combining spicy with garlic: "It clears your sinuses and lowers cholesterol!"

But what does it taste like, you ask? The spiciness doesn't hit you at first; it tastes like garlic and bell pepper, then a slow burn sets in. Very tasty.

"And now my lips tingle," said Wayland. "You don't taste any alcohol in that. That's a scary shot."

We envisioned these becoming a party contest, to see who could down the most Vampire Chupacabras in a row. Whoever would win, I'm pretty sure our asses would lose.

Brendan's score: 4 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

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Garlic Bloody Mary

Ingredients:
1 oz. Mad Scientician™ garlic vodka
3 oz. tomato juice

Again, like the jalapeño Caesar, Wayland bowed out of this one due to his unwavering distaste for all things tomato. Personally, I think this drink is delicious; the garlic is the perfect complement to the tomato juice.

Brendan's score: 4 flasks out of 5
Wayland abstains
Overall score:

Don't try these at home

We've got three new cocktails for you, based on our previous vodka infusions. Unfortunately, none of them are among our best (in fact, all three got record-breaking low ratings), but some are at least good for a laugh, we hope.

The first was created when we realized we still hadn't tested the recent lime vodka in a drink yet.

Harry Nilsson

Shake with ice and strain:
2 oz. Mad Scientician™ lime vodka
1 oz. Coconut rum
1 oz. Triple Sec
Splash of grenadine

Alas, even at half-strength, the lime vodka is still quite sour. It may work better if reduced to one ounce; we may try that in the future. Wayland did a serious wince-take when he tasted this drink; it seems he has a low sour tolerance, dashing any hopes I might have had to create Warheads-infused vodka.

Brendan's score: 2 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 2 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

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Huh?

Shake with ice and strain:
1-1/3 oz. Mad Scientician™ caramel vodka
1-1/3 oz. Mad Scientician™ vanilla vodka
1-1/3 oz. Amaretto liqueur

I don't know how the hell Wayland did it with these ingredients, but this tastes just like cherry cough syrup.

Brendan's score: 1 flask out of 5
Wayland's score: 2.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

---

Red Dye #3

Ingredients:
2 oz. Mad Scientician™ Pop Rocks vodka
4 oz. Red Bull

The ratio of the drinks we made may be slightly different from the above; we made doubles, using a full 8.3 ounce can of Red Bull each.

This drink, of course, was created as somewhat of a joke; we set out to create the most artificially-flavored cocktail in existence. I found the result to be an astonishingly anti-harmonious drink. Both flavors of the Red Bull and Pop Rocks were distinctive, but somehow they coexisted without interacting at all. Each sip's flavor seemed to alternate between one and the other.

Wayland did not experience the same effect, but he did find it lacking in other ways. It was enough to inspire him to write about it himself. Here's what he had to say:

"It started off well; it was a nice blend. However, when I got further into the drink, it actually decreased in quality. Unfortunately, my methodology was flawed. Rather than adding the vodka first and allowing the force of the Red Bull to mix it, I attempted to fill the glass as full as possible, by adding the vodka after the Red Bull. I think a quality blend can be made; however, the right ratio needs to be found out and the drink mixed fully before testing the quality of the drink."

Brendan's score: 1.5 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 2.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score:

That's a spicy meatball!

We sampled our jalapeño vodka experiment last night, while preparing to watch Duke and North Carolina State square off in the ACC tournament. (Way to go, Wolfpack! Sorry, Wayland.) The peppers had infused in the vodka for three days. We decided to play it safe with this one, and have chasers at the ready, since we didn't know just how hot this was going to be. Wayland poured himself a glass of Irish cream, while I opted for a cold beer.

I prepared myself for the worst, and knocked it back.



Oh man, that is surprisingly good stuff. It takes a few seconds to kick in; initially, it tastes more like a bell pepper, with only a mild vodka kick. The heat is all on the back end, and in just the right amount.



Wayland pondered for a moment as the two phases of the shot worked their way across his tongue and into his brain. "It's fairly smooth," he said. "There's a nice spicy bite that crept up on you at the end. The spice was at a good place, definitely spicy, but not overwhelming."

After bottling the vodka, straining it through cheesecloth to remove the seeds, I fished half of a jalapeño pepper from the jar to try a bite.



The pepper hasn't noticeably lost any flavor or heat in the infusion process. It just tastes like a regular jalapeño, slick on the surface with vodka, as if it had only been dipped in the liquor.

Next, I made a drink using the infusion, though Wayland opted to make a different drink to have with the game.

The Caesar

Dash of Worcestershire sauce
2 oz. Mad Scientician™ jalapeño vodka
4 oz. Clamato juice
Dash of black pepper

This is a modification on the Caesar recipe found on the Inferno Vodka website, pointed out to us by a faithful reader (thanks, Lilcrow). I upped the ratio a bit, and didn't bother salting the rim.

I have never had Clamato juice before, so I tried a little bit on its own before making the drink. To me, it doesn't taste much different than regular tomato juice. Wayland made all sorts of faces when I told him what Clamato juice is; but since he won't touch tomatoes or clams in any form, I let him know that he was in no position to judge.

The drink was very tasty, though I didn't see much difference between this and a Bloody Mary. But then again, I've always preferred Bloody Marys (Maries? How do you pluralize that?) to be spicy.

Brendan's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Wayland abstains.
Overall score:

We've got a few other cocktails up our sleeve, involving previous infusions. We'll be posting those later this afternoon.

Minty-fresh booze: results of spearmint infused vodka

We sampled our mint infusion five days into the experiment, a day longer than we originally intended, due to circumstances beyond our experimental controls. Here's what it looked like before bottling:



By the way, we'd like to thank everyone who commented, both locally and on our LiveJournal feed, to help us determine whether the mint we used is spearmint or peppermint. Though a true consensus was not reached, we are operating under the assumption that it was indeed spearmint.

I wasn't looking forward to this sampling. The extra day of infusion only compounded my fears that the vodka would end up tasting like toothpaste. I prepared the first sample, swigged it back, and swiftly spat it out into the sink.



"Oh, God, that's horrible!" I declared, once my mouth regained functionality. "Your turn."

Wayland took several minutes to get his composure, without complete success; by the time he took his shot, he was still laughing at my misfortune.



Worse yet, he liked it! He said that the initial taste is a bit rough, but the back end was much better, releasing a whiff of freshness in the aftertaste. I tried it again, but again had to spit it out. I just couldn't stand the front end long enough to get to the good part.

And Wayland was smug about it, too.



It's possible that particulates were present in the samples, since we did not filter it until afterward. I don't believe there were any large enough to make a significant impact on the test, though. More than likely, it simply sat too long, though my initial fears may have also introduced bias to my evaluation.



At this point it was time to create a cocktail using the spearmint vodka, which was named with ultimate creativity.

Mint Chocolate Cream

Ingredients:
1-1/3 oz. Mad Scientician™ spearmint vodka
1-1/3 oz. Crème de Cacao
1-1/3 oz. Irish Cream

I didn't find the flavor of the mint vodka offensive in this drink; it was much more subdued. It simply... wasn't anything special.



Look closely into my eyes and you will see that I am not amused. YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME, DRINK.



Wayland's take on the drink was similar to that of the shot; it was only notable on the back end. At first, it's just a chocolate and cream drink; then the mint makes an appearance, but it's not the breath of fresh air he experienced after the straight vodka. In this diluted form, he described the mint as "an afterthought."



Brendan's score: 2 flasks out of 5
Wayland's score: 3.5 flasks out of 5
Overall score: