Sunday, March 18, 2007

The Mad Scienticians' St. Patty's Day Extravaganza

Warning: extremely drunk content ahead!

Ah, Saint Patrick's Day. The day on which a young man's fancy turns to intoxicating beverages and the color green.

We at the Infusions of Grandeur laboratory can't let a holiday like this pass without a very special celebration. We decided to mark the occasion with a pair of excursions into the field of Alconomics. Firstly, we peer-reviewed the formula for the ultimate Jell-O shot developed by the fine scienticians at My Science Project. Secondly, we created a modified version of The Vodka God's famous punch for the second time, though this time, we added a new twist.

That's right. In the spirit of the holiday, this punch is green (sir). But we will get to that in due time. Let's talk Jell-O.

The folks at My Science Project determined that Jell-O can hold up to 19 oz. of vodka per batch before losing cohesion, and a little more using sugar-free Jell-O. We decided not to quite toe the line; we used the sugar-free stuff, but kept their original ratio. Of course we used lime.

Batch #1

0.3 oz. sugar-free lime gelatin
3 oz. boiling water
Approx. 19 oz.* Mad Scientician™ baseline vodka

Alas, in our carelessness, we made one fatal flaw as we made the first batch. We didn't fully dissolve the gelatin in the hot water before adding the vodka, so some of it remained in powdered form at the bottom.

We decided to forge ahead and hope for the best, but to create a second batch in case the first failed. Wayland measured out the vodka:

* And this is where science broke down. After measuring 19 ounces of vodka, only a small amount remained in the bottle. Since sugar-free gelatin can handle a little extra, we decided to toss in the remainder, which is why we don't have an exact measurement listed above.

With all ingredients mixed, I poured the gelatin into one and a half ice trays to create single-serving Jell-O shots.

We decided to do a little calculation before starting the second batch. We determined that by using a full bottle of vodka, we could preserve the original (intended) ratio by increasing the hot water to 4 oz, and adding another packet of gelatin as a cohesion safety margin. A bottle of vodka, at 750 mL, is equivalent to 25.36 ounces; this ratio yields a Jell-O shot that is about 34.5% alcohol, or 69 Proof. Bill and Ted would be proud.

Batch #2

0.6 oz. sugar-free lime gelatin
4 oz. boiling water
750 mL Mad Scientician™ baseline vodka

Beautiful! This formula yielded enough to fill two ice trays perfectly, minus an immaterial amount of spillage.

We put both batches into the freezer -- we like 'em with a little ice crystallization -- and moved ahead to the next project. We'll return to the gelatin later.

This batch of punch was similar to the punch we made for our New Year's Party, but we altered the recipe further, both for taste and for color; we also neglected to add any Chemical X. It is still based on the original formula developed by Arthur, the Vodka God, but again, that formula is protected by a strict non-disclosure agreement.

Within seconds of his first taste, Wayland noticed that his collar was flipped up, and previewed the events to come with an impromptu Doctor Elvis routine.

As out guests arrived, we settled in to watch the classic Peter Jackson film Meet the Feebles. Anyone who has seen this movie can imagine how much punch we downed to make it through. We followed this by playing Abe Lincoln Must Die, the latest in the episodic Sam and Max adventure game series.

By this point we were all quite drunk, not to mention hopped up on sugar and caffeine. A perfect time to break out the Jell-O shots!

Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Should we really be eating these? Absolutely not. These Jell-O shots are practically straight vodka, and as you can see, we're pretty drunk already.

I'm not entirely sure what this was about. I think I was trying to explain which batch of Jell-O shots was positioned lengthwise in the freezer and which were positioned widthwise.

But the important thing is, both batches congealed properly, despite the problems with the first batch. But how did they taste?

I could not rein in my enthusiasm. I tried a shot out of the first batch.

Man, that sucker was strong! I didn't care. I recall it being pretty tasty, despite the strength, but my judgement at this point should not be relied on, folks.

Wayland's drunkenness was not sufficient to cover the vodka kick, nor was Matt's.

The second batch tasted much better. Since they both have approximately the same vodka/alcohol content, the additional gelatin (and lime flavoring) in the second batch seems to have been the deciding factor.

At this point Wayland and I decided to kill a full tray of Jell-O shots together, leading to the Quote of the Night:
"Let's use the punch as a chaser!" -- Wayland
Our memories are a little fuzzy from there.

So, we confirmed the valuable lesson of Khitomer: just because you can do a thing, does not mean that you must do that thing. 69 Proof Jell-O sounds great in theory, but it's not the best idea in practice, especially after guzzling Arthur's punch all night.

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